It may not have come across in my recent blog posts but I’ve been a tad burnt out recently.
You see, for the last year I’ve been taking more responsibility with the kids whilst Mrs OddFather completed a course. This ended with her attending a week long conference in Madrid earlier this year whilst I stayed home with the kids, where I did all the nursery and school drop offs and pick ups, home cooked dinners and my actual demanding day job.
The idea was when she came back from Madrid I would have earned a break of some sort. I thought of all the possibilities of different types of holidays I could go on.
Then Mrs OddFather got pregnant and my opportunity for a week long break from life disappeared.
So, I’ve been mentally and physically exhausted for the last year.
Mrs OddFather listened, and booked me a solo night at a Spa. I’m not one to complain… actually, I am one to complain, A LOT… but I would have preferred an all day trip to the cinema.
There’s just something about Spa’s that make me feel very uncomfortable. Especially so when I’m alone. It’s a similar feeling to when I consider going to the gym on my own.
It’s not that I feel insecure – it’s more that I have absolutely no idea what the hell to do.
You see… I’ve never been to a Spa.
After trying to give the solo night to my pregnant wife, I gave in and made the trip to the Spa.
I checked in, got into my Hugh Hefner robe and decided to spend the first couple of hours using their water facilities. Here’s my thoughts on what was to offer:
Swimming pool: Did what it said on the box. It was indeed a pool. But I didn’t really deliver on my end of the bargain – no actual swimming occurred.
Jacuzzi: This was a step up from the pool. Literally. Was a little bit awkward being the third wheel to a very loved up couple that I sat amongst.
Steam Room: I actually quite liked this. I had the room to myself and let the steam do it’s thing… which was, er… to steam me?!
Sauna: This I did not like. Once again I had the small room/booth to myself for the majority of the time. Yet it just felt like a form of torture as I watched the timer hoping for it to go quicker. I mean I could have just left but I wanted to get my moneys worth.
What did not help is when another bloke entered the Sauna, walked into the small booth thingy and decided to lie down right next to me with his feet close to touching me. Was this part of the experience?! I swiftly left – never to return.
Hydro pool: Different types of jets to sooth a person. Was relaxing at first. Then I got to an area where the jets were so sharp it hurt. Was this normal? Was it a setting? I didn’t stick around to find out. Grabbed Hugh Hefner’s robe and left the water facilities.
At this point I was done with the Spa gimmick and was ready to sit and read a book. As I read I started feeling a tiredness and drowsiness. But I resisted giving in. Sleep is for the weak.
Eventually I looked away from the book and at my surroundings. The weather was glorious so I was on an egg chair in the outdoor garden. Everyone around me was wearing the same white gown. It felt akin to being in some sort of hospital… an environment I envisage an old people’s home to be like.
Was this a glimpse into my future?
It got to the evening and I realised I couldn’t remember the last time I went so long without talking. This isn’t a bad thing. Being left alone to my own thoughts is rather pleasant. I’m a smashing guy, you know?
I decided to fully indulge for dinner and upgraded my included meal to a steak fillet with a glass of red wine on the side. This was utterly blissful. I really tried to savour every mouthful – it’s rare for me to eat dinner slowly these days, instead I scoff down dinner so that I can start cleaning up after the family.
To finish, I treated myself to a single malt on the rocks.
The waiter came with the bottle and poured what was very obviously more than a double. He commented how it was a generous amount and then said “you deserve it”.
What a nice ma… wait, WHAT?
What did he mean I deserve it?
Did he think I was stood up, hence the reason for being alone? Was there some sort of sympathy thing going on with the staff’s perception of me?
I’ve never felt so offended in my life. But then… if I get more whisky as a result… sign me the fuck up!
To finish the night I decided to go for a little stroll through the grounds. I got back to my room at 10pm and thought that gave me enough time to enjoy a movie before getting to sleep.
But at 10.20pm I was knocked out asleep.
Damn. These Spa’s really do relax you. Or maybe the waiter spiked my drink with some sort of additional sedative?
I walked into the house the following day at around lunchtime feeling pretty chilled and relaxed. The family greeted a rejuvenated OddFather.
Then Mrs OddFather said “Can you sort out the kids’ lunch while I pop to the shops?”
Well. That relaxing feeling lasted all of 5 minutes.
Would I do the solo Spa thing again? Maybe. But without the actual Spa bit – throw in the Hugh Hefner robe though!
