Pregnancy anxiety

Now the cat’s out of the bag, I guess I can talk more openly about Mrs OddFather expecting our second child.

I must say, it’s hard to get overly excited when anxiety is lurking around every corner. In summer 2022 we were expecting a child but had to let him go at 16 weeks of pregnancy due to complications. To this day I remember his little fingers and toes. Mrs OddFather’s strength was admirable – she bounced back from the situation with a resolve I could only dream of. I didn’t fare as well. I kept telling myself I was ok, that all was ok, that I was strong. But really, I was just kicking the can down the road and every few weeks/months I would have a mental setback. A lot was happening in life and I kept telling myself I had to be there for others, thinking this was a healthy approach. It was not. I was grieving and not dealing with the pain. I distracted myself by throwing myself into other situations. Trying to work hard at work just resulted in not being very efficient or focussed. It wasn’t sustainable – I was letting down the people around me, but also I was letting myself down.

About a year ago I realised I couldn’t help others if I couldn’t be there for myself and decided to take a step back and focus on myself, my wife, and my daughter. To be the husband and father I promised to be. Others looking to me for help were sometimes annoyed at me, but it was a decision I had to take for the good of my family. I should say, it wasn’t an easy switch. I didn’t just become a better husband and father straight away – and to this day I feel I can – and should – do better. But I know I am trying, and that’s all I can ask of myself.

I don’t know if I’m just more aware of it now, but there seems to be so many issues with pregnancies/births and the health of newborns. It just adds to the worry, the anxiety, and the what ifs.

So yeah, I’m equally excited, yet anxious around this pregnancy. It’s like getting the first 5 numbers in the lottery and awaiting the last ball to come out. 5 balls would be great. 6 balls, on the other hand, would be positively life changing. Does that make sense? I admit I don’t know how much you win in the lottery so that analogy could be completely incorrect.

“The OddFather” is usually just an over-exaggerated version of the man typing on the keyboard – but that was more honest than I expected to be on this blog!

There’s a lot of people struggling with similar thoughts and situations. I understand why they may choose to remain silent, but at the same time if I can be an ear to you, you can always contact me and I’m happy to talk.

Let’s see what the coming months bring. The OddDaughter is super excited for the arrival of her sibling – I guess at least as a 4 year old we can reason with her while we tend to a newborn baby who has no consideration for our sleep during the night! If that’s the price I pay for a healthy baby – I’d take it any day of the week!