Posted by Hello all. Long time no hear. Again. I’m not even going to apologise this time. There’s been a fair few ch-ch-changes that have occurred over the last couple of months that have meant I’ve restrained from blogging in case I open my big mouth… a highly likely event. But that’s a post for another day. I write today from Antalya, Turkey. See, this was a last min opportunity we had to take before the school holidays kicked in and the OddDaughter starts school in September. So, this is the last holiday we have at a no-school-discount.
This was the first flight with the OddSon, so a testing of waters before Mrs OddFather and the kids do a trip to Australia without me. Saying I’m nervous about that is an understatement.
I’ll try and break this down so it’s easier to digest…
The flight
Not the greatest of starts. The flight was delayed, the OddDaughter insisted on sitting in the pushchair, despite having outgrown it, and that left the OddSon to me in a harness. So a sweaty OddFather to kick things off.
Then we finally get onto the flight… we lost Mrs OddFather who was checking in the pushchair whilst the rest of us took our seats before she returned a while later. Then, ready for take off… And the OddSon decides now is the perfect time to take a dump. And not just any old dump. A super-dump. But we couldn’t change him because the plane was ascending. That meant another 10 minutes of the OddSon shuffling around letting the “cocktail” spread and exit the enclosure of the nappy. Do you need more detail? I let Mrs OddFather have the joy of changing that nappy. #DadPoints
Other than that, the flight was fairly smooth. I taught the OddDaughter the chorus to the Bad Boys song… which meant the following few hours were a huge joy!
The resort
We knowingly booked a nicer resort in terms of cleanliness, albeit a resort where a lot of Germans enjoyed staying. So the primary language in this resort was German – shock horror. Now was time for my German GCSE to really kick in. Unfortunately after 22 years I only seemed to remember how to say the following in German:
- “Do you speak German?”
- ”My name is…”
- “I am 10 years old”
- “Eat my Shit”
- “Your mother is a dog”
Needless to say those phrases went down super well at the resort.
As mentioned, it was nice to spend time where we didn’t have to converse with anyone else in English. But, I have to admit, by the end I was desperate for some English companions. And I found one family at lunch yesterday! Whether they liked it or not, they were my “fwends”.
The heat
The other thing I didn’t really take into account was how hot it got here. Google told us average highs of 27C. In fact we had consistently experienced 37C temperatures since arrival. I don’t mind that so much, neither did Mrs OddFather or the OddDaughter – who happened to cool down by spending the entire holiday in the pool or the sea. But poor OddSon did not expect such a change from the glorious 17C temperatures we experienced in Ol’ Blighty.
What this meant is we had to divide and conquer. Some days I took the OddDaughter and spent time in the pool, other days – like today – I sat in an air-conned bar drinking whisky cocktails all day. #DadPoints
The OddSon
This probably deserves a section on its own. I didn’t realise this was true… but babies are chick magnets! OMG did we get so many people (mainly women) come up to us and say how cute the OddSon was. I mean, I don’t speak German so I’m making an assumption here. It very well could have been saying “Your baby smells like shit”.
Too bad I’m married. Not that any of these women would find me attractive. Curly hair doesn’t really work well in extreme humidity. My hair has been uncontrollable no matter what I put through it.
That said… The OddSon – who shares my curly hair, along with the OddDaughter – seems to pull off curly hair perfectly. Like a pre-DUI Justin Timberlake. He’s four months old and already he’s learnt how to make his little ‘fro look better than me! Not that I’m jealous… ahem.
The room arrangement
Ok, I’m going to have to hurry the rest of this. I need a piss and as the OddSon’s sole guardian right now I need to pack everything up and take it with me.
For the first time the whole family slept in the same room. It went mostly well. The OddDaughter was the hardest to get down as she was full of beans no matter the time and there were nights the teething OddSon decided to keep me and Mrs OddFather awake all night.
There was this strange incident when the OddSon cried this one time… The OddDaughter, who was passed out sleep, suddenly sat up possessed, like the Undertaker. For those that aren’t wrestling fans I’ll try to find a gif.
But yeah, it scared the shit out of me slightly as I was sharing a bed with her. Thankfully she fell straight back to sleep.
Verdict
Then the worst thing that could possibly happen to anyone on holiday, happened to me.
My flip-flop broke.
Luckily it was the second to last day so I was able to just wear my trainers.
Overall though, I’ve enjoyed this holiday. I did fool myself into thinking there would be times I could sit and read a book, or blog on a daily basis. Yeah, right. No chance whatsoever. Kids will ensure that doesn’t happen. But we’ve enjoyed nonetheless. Do I recommend to others – of course, do it! Turkey at this time of year is awesome for weather and even with kids it’s purely a joy watching them either enjoy the pool and beach, or as in the OddSon – finding more and more inconvenient times to soil themselves.
Now I must go before I piss myself. Toodle-oo!